joke of the day bixby - update

10.09.2026

Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Student: “School Ahead — Go Slow!” 😂

Dad: Why is your report card wet?
Son: Because my grades are below sea level. 😆

Doctor: You need to stop eating fast food.
Patient: Okay, I’ll eat it slowly from now on. 😂

Wife: Do I look fat in this dress?
Husband: I’m not falling into this trap again.
Wife: What trap?
Husband: Exactly. 😄

Boss: Why are you sleeping at your desk?
Employee: You said it was my dream job! 😂

Teacher: Name something that starts with “E” and ends with “E.”
Student: Envelope.
Teacher: Very good!
Student: It also contains one letter. 😆

Mom: Why is the fridge door open?
Kid: I’m trying to cool the whole house. 😂

Friend: I started going to the gym.
Me: Great! How many days?
Friend: One.
Me: And then?
Friend: I think they have enough members now. 😄

Teacher: What is the fastest thing in the world?
Student: Friday evening.
Teacher: Why?
Student: Because Monday comes immediately after it! 😂

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Don’t worry, the spider on your bread will catch it. 😆

Dad: When I was your age, I walked 5 km to school every day.
Son: Maybe that’s why you were always late. 😂

Boss: Can you work under pressure?
Employee: Of course. I’ve been paying bills for years. 😄

Teacher: Why didn’t you do your homework?
Student: I didn’t want to make the other students feel bad. 😂

Friend: What’s your hidden talent?
Me: I can waste an entire day without doing anything.
Friend: That’s not a talent.
Me: You clearly haven’t seen my consistency. 😆

Mom: Clean your room.
Kid: But I know where everything is!
Mom: Where are your socks?
Kid: Okay… most things. 😂

05.09.2026

Hey everyone!
So I’ve been thinking back to school days… and let’s just say I wasn’t there for the books.
I was there for two things:
👉 Chicken nugget day
👉 And seconds on chicken nugget day 😎

Here’s a little slice from my latest set:

📚 Teacher:
“John, do you even care about your future?”

Me:
“Only if it includes tater tots and chocolate milk.”
I didn’t carry a backpack.
I carried dreams… and a lunch tray.

🍕 Real talk:
My friends were solving algebra.
I was trying to solve the mystery of what was cookin’ two hallways down.
Spoiler: It was pepperoni pizza and a hint of regret.

👩‍🏫 Parent-Teacher Conference:

Teacher:
“He doesn’t raise his hand during math. But when it’s corn dog day?
Suddenly he’s volunteering for EVERYTHING.”

My mom:
“John, are you here to learn or just casing the cafeteria?”

Me:
“Both, Mom. It’s called dual enrollment.”

😂 I may not have graduated with honors…
But I did graduate with extra ranch.

08.09.2026

What did one snowman say to the other snowman? It smells like carrots over here!
Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? All they ever said was, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
What did 20 do when it was hungry? Twenty-eight.

22.07.2025

Why is grass so dangerous? Because it’s full of blades!
Why are mountains so funny? They’re hill areas.
Why wasn’t the cactus invited to hang out with the mushrooms? He wasn’t a fungi.

21.07.2025

Why shouldn’t you fundraise for marathons? They just take the money and run.
Why did the crab cross the road? It didn’t—it used the sidewalk.
Why does it take pirates a long time to learn the alphabet? Because they can spend years at C!

20.07.2025

Best English Jokes